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I kid you not. I couldn’t make something up like this. And no, its sure as heck isn’t funny either!

Anyway, I normally park at the back of the lot along the tree lined fence row. Some days I’ve seen ants on my hood, but that’s it.

In the hour it took to find where they were coming from, vaccuum and spray down (with ant spray) to get rid of them, we determined that leaves (and bugs) had gotten down between the area where the hinge of the door is and the driver’s side tire backsplash, and the ants went in for them. Ants apparantly also like electricity, which is why they clustered under my seat … on top of the electric cables for my seat!

Thankfully the only ones that stung me were the ones I was trying to kill … but still the paranoia and hysteria of driving 40 minutes towards home with ants was not fun in the least.

And now I’m exhausted. And what I needed to do tonight isn’t getting done …

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 
 
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 
 
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 
 
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 
 
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 
 
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 
 
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 
 
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 
 
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 
 
10. Bad decisions make good stories. 
 
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 
 
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again. 
 
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 
 
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever. 
 
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? 
 
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 
 
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 
 
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 
 
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 
  
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 
 
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 
 
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. 
 
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 
 
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? 
 
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 
 
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 
 
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? 
 
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 
 
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists. 
 
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 
 
32.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time

As a child I considered becoming a meterologist but all that science kinda nipped the excitement in the bud. Looks like I didn’t have to go to school to become one after all …

… pedipaws:I haven’t a clue what your product is, but at the moment, unless its the elixir of youth and allowing my fuzzy critters to have no health problems, protecting them from evil hoodlum neighborhood dogs, or easing the pain of losing two in the last five weeks, please stop sending me three and four emails a day.

… all the dating sites:Umm, yeah, that whole online dating concept. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m as likely to go that route than I am to sell myself to some rich man abroad.

… work at home: As enticing as the idea is to me — I have my own ideas about working at home. See, it involves an arsenal of cameras and lenses, a computer or two, and clients. As that’s not what you’re offering, please cease and desist with the emails pronto.

… get your CSI training online: Pray tell, how exactly does the labs work for that? I think I’d go for UNT’s program if I wanted to truly become a CSI. It, however, involves more science that I’m interested in taking. That’s why I nixed the whole physical therapist idea less than a semester into undergrad.

Very strange …

A couple hours ago, my alarm clock was fourteen minutes faster than my laptop.

Now, nine minutes.

Weird.

But, as he’s well aware after several years, his antics make great blog fodder. He hears the phrase, “I so need to blog that” or some variation quite often. Sometimes he doesn’t mind, other times he does.

Last night he asked me if I’d blogged something that happened on Saturday yet. I haven’t, obviously, so I said as much. “Why not? You said you were!”

So, my not so little bro, here ya go:

Saturday, on our way to Miss B’s photo session, I topped a small hill and immediately had to swerve to avoid a lightbulb in the road. I glanced back in my rearview mirror to see if I’d missed it…and saw it rolling into the other lane.

I commented, “You gotta be kidding, that lightbulb I dodged wasn’t broken? What on earth? How’d it get on the asphalt without breaking?”

Not so little bro responded, “Apparently it was a bad idea so they threw it out.”

After I stopped laughing, I’m sure you can guess what my response was…

Okay, what on earth does Green Tea have to do with either Uncle Sam or the economy?

Add in that lately I get a lot of spams offering to help me become a nurse, psychologist, or work in CSI…and I’m wondering if its possible to get a job writing spam subject lines…

Cause, seriously, I could do a much better job!

In other somehow similar news, you can follow me at Twitter…I promise my updates make much more sense than the spam in your inbox and spam folders!